The Final Email 8.5 Months later

 So. Hi everyone.. I know that you all probably know I’m home at this point, and have perhaps even seen me in person, but I have been feeling like a dummy for not sending a final missionary email.

I guess an easy excuse would be to say that, I got home, life got crazy, and I never felt like writing one. I’ve felt strongly that I need to write this out, not only to share with you all, but to reflect for myself and put into words the feelings and lessons learned from my mission as a whole.

Being a missionary was such an integral part of my life, and just because I’m not a missionary anymore doesn’t mean that I just forgot all the wonderful things that happened, all of the experiences that have shaped me.

I’m going to be honest and say-- by now, it feels like a long time has passed since I was a missionary. I’ve had to resolve to do things that brought me spiritual strength and peace, and put extra effort in my day to live as I did when I was a missionary. It’s much easier to get distracted now that I’m home, there are a million things vying for my attention, but I can tell you, that making the effort and taking time out of my day for Heavenly Father has brought me the strength I need in my life.

What I learned / Experiences I’m grateful for --

I’m very grateful for the spiritual strength that I found as I trusted in God, taught His Gospel, and deeply learned for myself what I was preaching. There were countless moments where I could see how my tiny little effort was part of a bigger work. I truly got to know what the Holy Ghost is like, how it influences people in their learning, and how it can guide me in my life. I still strive to increase my knowledge of the gospel, and really want to have the Spirit with me always. My desire to continue in my spiritual progression has grown monumentally.

One of the greatest skills that I really had to develop was resiliency and patience in times of trial. During the course of my mission, I had to face challenges, unexpected situations, mental health struggles, and social fears. I was very hard on myself, which magnified these problems frequently. I don’t like to dwell on all the negative moments because the positives outnumbered the negatives by far, but I think it’s important that I realize that so much good came out of these dark times. When I was at my lowest, those were the moments that the only thing I could do was reach out to the Savior. And when I felt alone, I had to look for Him in my life. I also had to learn to treat myself with the same kindness and patience that I strived to show others.

It may be kind of silly, but a very meaningful lesson I learned was that God knows me, exactly how I am, and he cares about what I care about. I remember a few times, when I was having a hard time, quarantined in our house -- looking out the window and feeling a little burst of joy as I saw my favorite birds fly by. I loved these little moments because they helped me to remember that God’s thinking about me, that He cares about me, and that He wants me to be happy. God loved me enough to send me birds to make me happy.

They are called Monk Parakeets, and they were fairly common around the areas I served in. (Yeah, even in the suburban areas of the city, where I spent most of my time!) They were always flying around at top speed, so it was hard to take a good picture of them. Oh yeah, and they are super loud, so sometimes, even if I couldn’t see them, I could hear them. Here’s the best picture that I took of them, and one I found on the Internet.

I’m grateful that I can now see the blessings that came from my difficult experiences on my mission. I believe that going through these specific challenges helped me increase my resilience. I think that the things that I went through there have helped me see people more deeply and care about their lives.

The missionary lifestyle allowed me to simplify my view of life itself, and when I was looking at life through the lens of an eternal perspective, it magnified my imperfections and made me realize that, like King Benjamin realized, we are truly nothing compared to God. This realization was very intense, and I often struggled to let Him help me, only seeing my imperfections and how incapable I was at fixing them on my own. It takes a whole new level of faith to teach that Jesus Christ can make the imperfect whole, and believe that He can make you whole as well. You are not the exception to Christ’s Atonement. Christ makes no exceptions.

How I felt coming home --

I was very much ready to come home. I was exhausted!! Giving myself up full time to serve people and to serve God was one of the best experiences of my life, and also one of the most physically and emotionally draining experiences, not to mention socially exhausting! I was ready to curl up into a ball and take a week-long nap.

As the end of my mission grew imminent, I felt all of the emotions at once. Joy, at finishing what God had sent me to do. Sadness, at leaving these people and this culture that I had come to love. Anticipation and excitement at starting a new chapter of my life. Fear, and doubt that I would truly be a better person than I was when I left. I questioned whether I had truly served God as well as I could have. I had to reconcile this feeling, focusing on what I had learned, and talk back to my doubts, because I did the best I could, every single day.

PS: I love how you can see the pure joy on the faces of these poor Mt. Dew starved gringos! (in the airport coming home)

 Update: Real Life! --

I’m currently living in Provo, studying at BYU. It’s been a great semester, I love my classes, and honestly I love studying and learning new things. I’ve even managed to meet a lot of cool new people in my classes and in my ward. I’m getting back into my study of Computer Science, however I’m also taking a lot of general electives right now, like Spanish, Plant Biology, and the History of Jazz. I’m loving life, listening to music, reading books, playing video games, and trying my hardest to never forget my mission -- letting it change how I go about my day, what I choose to do, how I choose to act. There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t think about something or someone from my mission, it’s truly changed my life for the better.

 

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